Weddings and Parents
My friend ‘Layemi was complaining the other day about how her parents have completely taken over arrangements for her wedding. “ I practically have no say in any issue without them retorting ‘bayi la se n se e!’ ’’ (meaning, this is how things are done!), she complained.
She said she angrily stated ‘bayi, l’emi fe se e! (meaning, this is how I wish to do my own thing!).
I laughed at her dilemma, but with alarmed recognition of course, because I know the uphill task she’s got herself involved in.
When I asked her what her fiancé‘s (Dayo) views are in all of this, her face lit up as she said, “He’s playing it ‘mellow’ with his own folks and trying not to get them too involved in every details except when it’s absolutely important or when they ‘push’ him for ‘info’ . The only issue he noted that he had with his mum was the style of wedding dress his bride-to-be should wear!
His mum said she wont feel comfortable if ‘Layemi should wear a sleeveless wedding dress not to talk of a ‘spaghetti’!
And Dayo calmly responded “ don’t worry, it’s neither of those, because we’ve already picked her wedding dress which I love to pieces! and it’s a strapless wedding gown, so get used to this one cuz it’s what I’d love to see my wife-to-be wear on our wedding day!’’.
Of course the mum wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t encourage her opinion by not talking about it any further and urging her to engage in ‘more productive’ issues like getting word out to all other family members concerned…
… anyway, I don’t share the view that parents should be left out of our wedding preparations, if at all anything, we need their ‘wisdom’ and ‘solidarity’ to enjoy the celebrations. However, many parents, especially those in our parent’s generation have this notion that their children are an extension of their own lives. A notion I strongly disagree with. They have forgotten that once upon a time, ‘these children’ were in deed children, but now they have grown and ready to explore the world ‘their own way’ and all they need now are cheerleaders and a fan-club to face the games of life and not a parental shield of control and judgmental manipulations.
Parents let your children make ‘their own’ mistakes, the irony of it all is that they wont make too many because wired in every individual is his/herr own blueprint for survival and whether we like it or not, it’s not going to be the same formula as their parent’s. Parents should begin to wean themselves off their children gradually as soon as they start becoming young adults. So that when ‘that’ time comes, you’ll be ready for their ‘bombshells’
On a more reassuring note, every parent who spends time bringing up their children well with sound values and proven results in their own lives, need not worry about how their children would turn out. They should be confident of the kinds of kids they’ve been able to raise and this in turn with bolster their children’s confidence in themselves and earn their parents’ trust ‘cuz they’ve got their backs, shikena?
She said she angrily stated ‘bayi, l’emi fe se e! (meaning, this is how I wish to do my own thing!).
I laughed at her dilemma, but with alarmed recognition of course, because I know the uphill task she’s got herself involved in.
When I asked her what her fiancé‘s (Dayo) views are in all of this, her face lit up as she said, “He’s playing it ‘mellow’ with his own folks and trying not to get them too involved in every details except when it’s absolutely important or when they ‘push’ him for ‘info’ . The only issue he noted that he had with his mum was the style of wedding dress his bride-to-be should wear!
His mum said she wont feel comfortable if ‘Layemi should wear a sleeveless wedding dress not to talk of a ‘spaghetti’!
And Dayo calmly responded “ don’t worry, it’s neither of those, because we’ve already picked her wedding dress which I love to pieces! and it’s a strapless wedding gown, so get used to this one cuz it’s what I’d love to see my wife-to-be wear on our wedding day!’’.
Of course the mum wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t encourage her opinion by not talking about it any further and urging her to engage in ‘more productive’ issues like getting word out to all other family members concerned…
… anyway, I don’t share the view that parents should be left out of our wedding preparations, if at all anything, we need their ‘wisdom’ and ‘solidarity’ to enjoy the celebrations. However, many parents, especially those in our parent’s generation have this notion that their children are an extension of their own lives. A notion I strongly disagree with. They have forgotten that once upon a time, ‘these children’ were in deed children, but now they have grown and ready to explore the world ‘their own way’ and all they need now are cheerleaders and a fan-club to face the games of life and not a parental shield of control and judgmental manipulations.
Parents let your children make ‘their own’ mistakes, the irony of it all is that they wont make too many because wired in every individual is his/herr own blueprint for survival and whether we like it or not, it’s not going to be the same formula as their parent’s. Parents should begin to wean themselves off their children gradually as soon as they start becoming young adults. So that when ‘that’ time comes, you’ll be ready for their ‘bombshells’
On a more reassuring note, every parent who spends time bringing up their children well with sound values and proven results in their own lives, need not worry about how their children would turn out. They should be confident of the kinds of kids they’ve been able to raise and this in turn with bolster their children’s confidence in themselves and earn their parents’ trust ‘cuz they’ve got their backs, shikena?
Labels: Weddings and Parents
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